I thought I was done with these.

Gone With the Wind drag name: Ashley Mydear...

Manners.

Happy Thanksgiving. And the next day, the less popular "You're Welcome-giving".

Pre-antique, as it were,

Every stick of furniture in our house is an antique. Eventually.

Pucker up

I never could whistle until someone switched my chapstick with Preparation H.

I censor uneasy...

Text message to censorship groups: It's not porn if it's sepia.

Potato, tomahto.

Tim's dad is visiting. I think he's my father-in-almost-law. But Lou thinks he's my father-in-all-the-rights-and responsibilities-of-marriage-under-state-law.

Strike me!

Because I am a member of the WGA, people have started to ask me, "Are you striking?" So I tell them, "Well, I've always thought so..."

A leg to stand on.

"My daughter had a birthday - I spent weeks planning it - and they did an article saying I killed the neighbour's dog" - Heather Mills

Well, did you?

Mom would not approve

This from my brother, Tim: "I was going to buy one of those TVs with a giant 60 inch screen...but I said fuck it, and moved my couch so it's now 4 inches away from my old TV set. Works great!"

Haiku

Many many years ago, my friend, Robert Shaffron, wrote a haiku that I have never forgotten because to this day it remains the only haiku I ever liked:

First, five syllables.
Then, seven more syllables.
Five more syllables.