Are we still using this phrase?

Heard a reporter mention "ethnic cleansing" on the radio today. What a cute phrase for "slaughter". Down the line, I'm sure it will be changed to "ethnic sprucing up".

Anthrax scare.

When bumping fists with her husband, Michelle Obama has been accused by the media of terrorist activity. I'm guessing if the poor woman passed gas, the media would report it as an Anthrax scare.

News flash

Text message to activists: it's all fine and good that you're saving humanity. But you still have to tip your waitress.

No I didn't....

For the longest time, I thought a "ne'er-do-well" was someone who was really good with depilatories.

This is big.

Careful. The statement, "My! Look how big you've gotten!" fluctuates wildly when said to a 4 year old, an adult, a pregnant woman, or a porn star.

Oh promise me....

Now that marriage is briefly legal in California, people have been asking me and Tim if we're getting married. Both our answers are: "He hasn't asked me."

I'd watch it....

Idea for new TV show: So You Think You Can Dance Like a 5th Grader!

They're tricky that way....

One problem with fish is you're never really sure if they're sneezing or farting.

Don't make plans....

When you think about it, your funeral is really none of your business.

Advice to young mothers.

Looking for the perfect baby name? Name your newborn "Heroin". Down, the line, your child will be so busy blaming you for this extreme lapse in judgment, she will probably gloss over any real mistakes you make.