I've made some really bad decisions in my life. Thank god I have no idea what they are.
Feb 3, 2009
Feb 2, 2009
Divorce papers or death certificate
50% of marriages end in divorce. Which means the other 50% end in death. Divorce doesn't sound so bad, huh?
Jan 31, 2009
Jan 29, 2009
Time flies
They fly in your face, they walk around on your food and regurgitate in it. I think flies are begging us to swat them so they can be reincarnated into something that doesn't eat shit and roadkill.
Jan 27, 2009
Black Hawk Down.
Someone asked me if I'd ever seen Black Hawk Down.
I said, "No, but I bet it's really soft."
I said, "No, but I bet it's really soft."
Jan 20, 2009
To throw at a helicopter.
Anyone know the brand name of the shoes that were thrown at Bush? I want a pair.
Jan 15, 2009
Jan 9, 2009
Recovered memory
My parents used to torture me as a child. Once or twice a year, they would take me to a room where a man would drill holes in my teeth and fill the holes with metal.
Jan 2, 2009
Jan 1, 2009
Thou shalt kick the crap out of each other.
You know what I hate about God? He tells the Israeli's he's on their side. Then he goes and tells the Palestinians he's on their side. Frankly, I think he just likes to stir up shit.
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