Is it my imagination or is Madonna starting to look like that embarrassing mom we all knew in high school?

Wisdom lite

Advice to today's youth:

Don't make friends with high maintenance people just because they're clever. Usually, they're too clever for your own good.

Smallpox

Sure, the smallpox in the blankets was terrible but didn't they get us back with tobacco?

Anyone want to hazard a guess what Irritable Vowel Syndrome is?

New Maxim

Some are born great. Some acheive greatness. And some are just grating on the nerves.

Intervention

I truly believe if my friends cared about me the least little bit, they would hold an intervention and tell me to stop going to the gym.

Shady

I'm all sunburned. Someone told me it was 110 in the shade so of course I wanted to avoid it as much as possible.

Sheep dip.

A friend of mine only uses sheepskin condoms exclusively. Lousy on protection, but it takes the sheep longer to become suspicious.

Failed at being a portrait painter. Kept accidentally painting all the pupils red.

Easy list.

Here is a complete list of everything I've never heard of.