Failed at being a portrait painter. Kept accidentally painting all the pupils red.

Easy list.

Here is a complete list of everything I've never heard of.

End of the road

Ironically, it's only the old people who drive like they've got all the time in the world.

Phone Tag

I hate playing Phone-Tag. I prefer Phone-and-Go-Seek.

I'm here to help.

If you know someone who is paranoid schizophrenic who suddenly can't tell fantasy from reality, here is what you do.

Tell him to center himself, listen closely to his heart, then go down to the CIA and check the videotapes they have of everyone's every waking moment.

If it really happened, it's on those tapes.

Out of the frying pan.

I need a break from staring at my computer screen all day. I wonder what's on TV.

What a relief

The most completely inappropriate drag name to date:

Katrina Relief

Friends

Friends don't let friends vote actors into office.

Rita

Hurricane Rita? there must be global warming because when I was growing up, we rarely got past Debbie

N' Awlens

In his speech, Bush suggested what New Orleans needed right now was "entrepreneurship".

I'm guessing the suggestion is to open your own "Blankets and Clean Water Boutique" then loot it.