Belated Birthday

Belated Birthday song:
(Sung to the tune of the Beatles' "They Say It's Your Birthday")

Nah nah nah nah nah-nah...nah nah!
They say it's your birthday!!!
They say it's today!!!
Don't know why they say it!!!
'Cause it's not today!!!

All things.

All things being equal, all things are equal.

Litmus test

If you want to know if you should go out with someone a second time, do this.

Pick your favorite sitcom growing up.

If your date can sing the lyrics to the theme song of that sitcom, ask him out again.

If he doesn't know the words, or he's never heard of it, or he refuses to do it, keep on walking. Doesn't matter what he looks like.

Hors d'oeuvres?

I was at a party and the hostess actually asked me if I would pass the hors d'oeuvres on a tray.
I said, "Ew, gross..."

Preserves

Someone asked if I liked strawberry preserves.
Hell, if strawberries are endangered, then I'm all for them.

Left, right

Okay kids, let's be adults and admit it:
no one is really proud of having A nn C oulter or Al F ranken on their side....

Thank You...We're Here All Week....

Age ain't nothing but a number. A really big number with a disappointing finale.

Ova

You can't do stem cell research without breaking a few eggs.

Only three

There are three things I can't stand more than anything in this world: Stooges.

Slogan

A terrific slogan for any group really....

We're just like everyone else in that we think we're better than everyone else.