What Fresh Hell Is This?

Apr 16, 2005

Actual TV Listing:

RAY CHARLES TRIBUTE ON ICE.

I'm assuming it's an hour or two of Brian Boitano slamming into ice rink walls.

It's not the 7 Year Itch that's the problem. It's the 7 Year Scratch.

Rather than building a Panic Room, I'm thinking of moving into a Panic Neighborhood. Can't be too careful.

A friend of mine complains about having headaches. Truth is, he doesn't actually have them; he's what they call "a carrier".

Wes Nile.

A dyslexic friend of mine is meaner than a junkyard god.

Headline:

Saturday, April 2, 2005 Posted: 11:03 PM EST (0403 GMT)
Sinead O'Connor Happier Than She's Ever Been In Her Life.

Necrophilia - giving new meaning to the term "Dead Head".

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.

How I Know I Spend Too Much Time on My Computer:

When my computer came from the repair shop, my first impulse was to send out birth announcements.