Dec 31, 2008

Depressing news.

The purpose of anti-depressants is to view your life more clearly.
Common side-effect: thoughts of suicide.

I hate-ify that.

It's true that "hate is a strong word" but in many cases not nearly strong enough.

Dec 30, 2008

I wasn't the brightest high school student.

In high school, I remember reading that Oscar Wilde was sentenced to two years in Reading Gaol.
I thought, could have been worse. Could have been Arithmetic Gaol.

Dec 28, 2008

Presto! You're on the third floor.

I have a sneaking suspicion that people who are amazed by David Copperfield are also amazed by your standard elevator.

Dec 27, 2008

It's getting to that 10% is the tough part.

I listen to Opera. I listen to Rap.
Sure, most of it's crap, but let's face it: 90% of everything is crap.

Dec 23, 2008

Christmas, by golly!

It's Christmas at the Palin household! And Sarah's busy baking sugar cookies and gutting Blitzen.

Quiet please.

The reason stand-up comics like to make fun of mimes is because they know they won't be heckled.

Pretty zenny, don't you think?

"There's no time like the present" should read "There's no time but the present".