Oh promise me....

Now that marriage is briefly legal in California, people have been asking me and Tim if we're getting married. Both our answers are: "He hasn't asked me."

I'd watch it....

Idea for new TV show: So You Think You Can Dance Like a 5th Grader!

They're tricky that way....

One problem with fish is you're never really sure if they're sneezing or farting.

Don't make plans....

When you think about it, your funeral is really none of your business.

Advice to young mothers.

Looking for the perfect baby name? Name your newborn "Heroin". Down, the line, your child will be so busy blaming you for this extreme lapse in judgment, she will probably gloss over any real mistakes you make.

This isn't true.

The other night at a restaurant, the waiter came to the table with my meal, danced around the table three times, dropped the plate on the table and said, "You got served!"

Oh for Christ's sake....

How dull are these three candidates -- Barrack, Hillary, & John -- that the worst dirt anyone can dig up on them is that their pastors are making inflammatory remarks? Which, if I recall correctly, is exactly what pastors are supposed to do.

What...? It's true.

Say what you will about smoking, you have to admit it does teach one valuable lesson: Smoking causes cancer.

Wisdom lite

Might as well learn to laugh at yourself. Might as well beat other
people to it....

From the ever reliable Lou

Last night, Eitan mentioned he knew a woman who got fired for
masturbating at work.

Lou: "She probably had Carpet Tunnel Syndrome."

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