What Fresh Hell Is This?

Jan 26, 2007

The key to"thinking outside of the box" is to stop using phrases like "think outside of the box. "

Be careful what you wish for. Make sure it involves large sums of money.

Lindsay wants to instigate mandatory random drug testing for federal employees. Specifically, congressmen and senators.

Text Message to the Idiot Who Asked:
"No, gay Native Americans do not call it "maize-holing".

A beautician doesn't like cornrowing a hooker's hair because "It's a tough ho to row."

My theory on the cause of the Malibu fires: Joyce DeWitt.

Text Message To All My Single Friends Who Complain I Don't Set Them Up With Anyone:
The people I know aren't good enough for you.

"Go...where? Go into the what? The "right"? Oh the light. Go into the light. Is that what your saying?"

Near deaf experience....

Sweat the small stuff. It's a lot easier than sweating the big stuff.

When and if someone writes my obituary, I want it to include the following:

"He was survived by pretty much anyone who's not dead."