Actual Headline

Don't you just love the American press? Actual headline from NBC5:

SUPERMODEL SURVIVES TSUNAMI
Model Reportedly Clings To Tree For 8 Hours
Shouldn't that read "TSupermodel"?

Guns

"Guns don't kill people, people kill people." If that's true, then we have to make people with guns illegal. Lock 'em up so they're away from civilized folk.

Life

I want to change the old phrase "Life's a bitch" to "Life's my bitch." Where do I go to do that?

Shame

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me six times, shame on my medication.

I'd had it

On the twelfth day of christmas my true love sent to me twelve lords a-leaping, eleven ladies dancing, ten pipers piping, nine drummers drumming, eight maids a-milking, seven swans a-swimming, six geese a-laying, five gold rings, four calling birds, three french hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree .

So I shot him. I mean, enough already.

No, really.

Merry Christmas. No, really.

Raise a glass

This wonderful Christmas poem is from Sharon Jeffries, Hesper's mom.

We'll raise a glass to toast our families.

We'll raise one to those near and far.

We'll raise two or three to whatever comes to mind.

And let someone else find the car.

Six things

There are six things that will guarantee you success. First, make sure you complete every task you start...

and then five other things.

Life and Death

I won't go into a whole big thing but a little while ago, I was in a life and death situation. I fully expected my life to pass before my eyes.

Instead, I got "The life you are looking for is currently unavailable. It might be experiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjust your browser settings."

Practice in front of a mirror

Here's a phrase that I want everyone to start practicing, especially men:

"Since I don't know anything about that, I don't have an opinion about it."