A 20-Something, talking to their kids:
"You kids these days don't know how easy you got it! In my day?! You couldn't just put a bag of frozen food in the microwave and cook it! You had to puncture it! Three times! With a fork! Christ...you got it easy...."

Bathroom scales should have words, not numbers. As in, "I stepped on the scales this morning and I was 'Chunky'. I'm trying to get down to 'Lythe'."