Thanks for the tip.

The key to eating a Thanksgiving dinner: go to a restaurant. They decide the portions for you.

From the blog: What Fresh Hell Is This?

I don't need to get in touch with my inner child. I need to get in touch with my inner bouncer.

From the blog: What Fresh Hell Is This?

Mean cuisine.

Let's face it: if it's "lean", then it's not "cuisine".

From the blog: What Fresh Hell Is This?

It's your store. Sort of.

Albertson's supermarket has a slogan: "Albertson's. It's your store." But you should have seen the way they acted when I went in and tried to fire one of my employees.

From the blog: What Fresh Hell Is This?

Couldn't have been important then.

I can't remember why I started taking ginkgo biloba.

From the blog: What Fresh Hell Is This?

Didn't they invent the agenda?

Text message to Christians who complain about "the gay agenda":
I'll drop mine if you drop yours.

From the blog: What Fresh Hell Is This?

Present company excluded.

I'm proud to say, my life is 100% asshole free. Except me, of course....

From the blog: What Fresh Hell Is This?