Rock the Vote.

I think we should be able to vote for first lady.
I'm thinking President Caroline Kennedy and First Lady Michelle Obama.

Wisdom lite.

Life's a breeze when you realize it's going the way it's supposed to go.

New Aged

Your bliss is defined by the that one thing you do that makes all time disappear -- it could be dance or music, windsurfing or golf, eating or praying, and of course, heroin or crack cocaine.

Don't like it? Don't eat it.

Homosexuality is not an abomination. Pineapple and ham on pizza, however, is.

Simple logic.

Most of the reasons I do things are psychological. By which I mean, psycho yet logical.

A Triscuit a Trasket

Text message to the Manufacturers of Triscuits, Wheat Thins, or Doritos:
Your new ad campaign in 2 words -- "People kibble."

"I don't hate your guts or anything but...."

The only thing worse than a racist remark is a racist remark preceded by "I'm not racist or anything but...."