"What happened to your hair?"

Text Message to You-Know-Who:
Don't ask the question "Did you get a haircut?" unless you plan to follow it up with "Looks good!"

TMI

Two helpful tips for today.

A: Don't ever watch the Discovery Channel. and B: Don't let anyone explain dust mites to you. You'll never sleep again.

Abraham Lincoln's last words: "No, I don't mind sitting here...I just can't figure out why Andrew Johnson wanted to switch with us."

Per Your Request.

Years ago, my mother decided to make beef tongue for dinner. When it came time to cook dinner, she couldn't find the cow tongue she'd left on the counter.

My brother, Terrance, had stuck it in our mail slot so the front door had a huge tongue lolling out of it. We had pizza that night and didn't get mail for a week.

Second Hand Crying

Cigarettes have been banned in public - because they're annoying and can potentially destroy the lives of the people around them. On the other hand, children have not been banned in public. See where I'm going with this?

R.I.P. a new one.

Alice Ghostley died a few months ago. The family has requested people to refrain from referring to her as "Alice Ghostlier"