A Case of the Cut and Runs

I don't believe America should "cut and run". I believe America should "cut and saunter

This Is Actually True

A friend of mine can't figure out why the Scottish lady next door wants to keep hanging around him all the time. I suggested she might be a Fag Haggis

Serious lee

I think Kathy Lee Gifford's name should be an adverb. As in, "Oh, the poor thing sang so kathyly...."

Punktuated

After my college English professor had his operation he didn't have a : he had a ;

Answer: True

I've instituted a new policy:
Whatever you've heard about me is absolutely true.
Believe every word of it.
Saves everyone a lot of time...