How to Handle Store Clerks

"I'll never shop here again" is not a threat."

I'll pee on this floor" is.

The Sanctity of Rehearsal Dinners

While I am against against a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage, I do support any constitutional amendment banning bachelor parties or bridal showers.

Homeless

A friend won't give money to the homeless because they'll spend it on alcohol or drugs.

I figure, if they don't ask where I got it, then I don't get to ask where it's going.

Duck

Friend of mine's pet duck was diagnosed with Down Syndrome.