I lost my cellphone and finally gave up looking for it.
Contrary to the old saying, it's not always in the last place you look.
Apr 23, 2005
Apr 22, 2005
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Apr 19, 2005
Sitcom World Horoscopes
If you live in a sitcom:
1. You will lose a winning lottery ticket.
2. You will be the only "Not Guilty" vote on a jury.
3. People you hate will have a key to your house and come and go as they please.
4. You are constantly hiding your magic powers and/or your planet of origin.
5. You will be jealous of the new baby.
6. You will be in a talent show.
7. You will hear someone else's medical diagnosis and think you are dying.
8. You will get handcuffed to someone or something and not have the key.
9. Your favorite celebrity's car will break down in front of your house.
10. A big feud with a rival will be resolved through bowling.
11. You'll think someone you know is gay. They aren't. But someone else is.
12. You will have a surprise party and it couldn't come at a worse time.
13. You will visit a nudist colony.
14. A friend will ruin your promotion for you then get you an even bigger raise.
15. You will deliver a eulogy at a funeral for someone you don't know.
16. You are fat. Your wife is thin.
17. You will be asked to spy on your neighbors in a stakeout.
18. You will be on a game show that will solve all your financial problems. You will lose. But learn something.
19. You will go on a ridiculous male bonding weekend in the woods.
20. You will lecture someone about safe sex.
21. You will be jealous of a friend's promotion and eventually hug that friend a few days later.
22. You will be hit on by someone who never would hit on you if you were single.
23. Someone you know will work in a fast food restaurant and they will be wearing a ridiculous hat.
24. You will be on a plane that is going down, confess something to someone you either love or hate, forget about it when you pull out of the nosedive, then land.
25. Whoever you hate the most -- that's who you want to have sex with. But only after a few years of hating them.
26. If you have kids, you'll remember the day they were born in ridiculous detail. And while you're remembering you'll be wearing a wig in hairstyle popular at the time.
1. You will lose a winning lottery ticket.
2. You will be the only "Not Guilty" vote on a jury.
3. People you hate will have a key to your house and come and go as they please.
4. You are constantly hiding your magic powers and/or your planet of origin.
5. You will be jealous of the new baby.
6. You will be in a talent show.
7. You will hear someone else's medical diagnosis and think you are dying.
8. You will get handcuffed to someone or something and not have the key.
9. Your favorite celebrity's car will break down in front of your house.
10. A big feud with a rival will be resolved through bowling.
11. You'll think someone you know is gay. They aren't. But someone else is.
12. You will have a surprise party and it couldn't come at a worse time.
13. You will visit a nudist colony.
14. A friend will ruin your promotion for you then get you an even bigger raise.
15. You will deliver a eulogy at a funeral for someone you don't know.
16. You are fat. Your wife is thin.
17. You will be asked to spy on your neighbors in a stakeout.
18. You will be on a game show that will solve all your financial problems. You will lose. But learn something.
19. You will go on a ridiculous male bonding weekend in the woods.
20. You will lecture someone about safe sex.
21. You will be jealous of a friend's promotion and eventually hug that friend a few days later.
22. You will be hit on by someone who never would hit on you if you were single.
23. Someone you know will work in a fast food restaurant and they will be wearing a ridiculous hat.
24. You will be on a plane that is going down, confess something to someone you either love or hate, forget about it when you pull out of the nosedive, then land.
25. Whoever you hate the most -- that's who you want to have sex with. But only after a few years of hating them.
26. If you have kids, you'll remember the day they were born in ridiculous detail. And while you're remembering you'll be wearing a wig in hairstyle popular at the time.
Plastic urgery
Performing plastic surgery on teenagers is like icing a cake before it comes out of the oven.
Apr 18, 2005
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