"Can I make you a turkey sandwich?"
"I doubt it."

Apprentice.

The next season of Apprentice is being filmed in Los Angeles:
"Dude...you're so totally fired."

Easy

The two easiest things to do in the modern world-- so easy you can do them with your pinkie: flushing a toilet and using a turn signal. And yet....

TGIF

Considering what went down, calling it "Good" Friday seems a little mean to me....

Stop wasting our time:

Actual question posed to Chicago Manual of Style:

Most people no longer use a typewriter and carbon paper when making a copy of a letter. Does that mean that “cc” should now be just “c”?

No, cc should now be just "Ctl-A-Ctl-C-Ctl-V"

India, may I help you?

I met a woman from India yesterday and I'll be honest:
it was weird talking to her without first listening to "Hold music" for an hour and a half.

common decency

As far as common decency goes, I'd rather act common than decent.

Daylight Savings Fool

Here's good thing about having Daylight Savings the same day as April Fool's Day.

You can tell foreigners to turn their clocks back an hour to teach them about DST and April Fool's at the same time.

My upcoming book series

Idea for a book series:

"Foie Gras Parfait, Sauteed Lobster and a Parsnip Confit...for the Soul"

Be my guest

B ush's new policy for immigration is called the "guest worker" program.

Which suggests if you're ever invited as a guest to the W hite H ouse, bring a leaf blower.