Oil

According to B ush: "America is addicted to oil" I guess the best way to get America "off the oil" is to arrest the pushers and the dealers.

Tacky.

If life is a gift then reincarnation is regifting.

Plus, a light goes on when I open my mouth.

My toothpaste has baking soda in it and now my breath is as fresh as the inside of a refrigerator.

I Wish I Knew How to Quit....

The Gayest Thing In the World: working out at the gym to "The Brokeback Mountain Theme Dance Remix".

You Wouldn't Think You'd Have to Tell Anyone This.

"Screaming Jay Hawkins" is not appropriate Hold Music for tech support.

Drag Name

Drag name for the outdoorsy types: Marge of the Penguins

M&Ms

DETROIT (Reuters) - Rapper Eminem and his ex-wife are ready to remarry after picking up a marriage license on Thursday -- the latest twist in a turbulent relationship made famous by a hit song in which he fantasized about killing her.

What d'ya want to bet that it's going to be a shotgun wedding?

Want people to say nice things about you all the time? Drop dead.

Code id my dose

I have one of those colds where you actually learn more advanced ways of blowing your nose. I feel like crap's little brother.

Hiya...or is "Hi there" better?

Can you believe it? I just spent 14 hours trying to make a query letter sound "casual" and "breezy".