You Wouldn't Think You'd Have to Tell Anyone This.

"Screaming Jay Hawkins" is not appropriate Hold Music for tech support.

Drag Name

Drag name for the outdoorsy types: Marge of the Penguins

M&Ms

DETROIT (Reuters) - Rapper Eminem and his ex-wife are ready to remarry after picking up a marriage license on Thursday -- the latest twist in a turbulent relationship made famous by a hit song in which he fantasized about killing her.

What d'ya want to bet that it's going to be a shotgun wedding?

Want people to say nice things about you all the time? Drop dead.

Code id my dose

I have one of those colds where you actually learn more advanced ways of blowing your nose. I feel like crap's little brother.

Hiya...or is "Hi there" better?

Can you believe it? I just spent 14 hours trying to make a query letter sound "casual" and "breezy".

Safety Matches

On a box of safety matches, it says "Keep Away From Children". I tend to anyway but it's nice to have the reminder.

Be careful what you ask for.

My brother figured out a way to get his kids to stop asking for stuff for Christmas.

He tells them, "Sure, you can ask Santa for that. But what if Santa has plans to give you something better?"

Forget this.

I never forget a face. No matter how hard I try.

Advice for Kids

Kids: the best way to become really popular is to just be yourself. The second best way is to stage your own death. Preferably at recess.