In some circles, when I introduce myself and add "And this is my husband, Tim." for the rest of the evening, we are introduced around as "Bernie and his 'friend', Tim."
So. When I'm host and hear "I'm Judy and this is my husband, Bob", I introduce them around as "Judy and her puppy, Bob."

- Bernie Keating

The way to a man's heart is through his liver.

- Bernie Keating

ROFL is good exercise.

- Bernie Keating

Essentially, Facebook is a cyber-bathroom wall.

- Bernie Keating

WTFWJD?
- Bernie Keating

Cross-demoninational song ideas: "Ave Nagila" and "Oy vey Maria".
- Bernie Keating

Facebook exchange:

Bernie Keating: When cabbage goes wrong. Murphy 'slaw.

Loren Nordlund: What you serving it with?

Bernie Keating: Regrets.

- Bernie Keating

The number of times you've asked for a supervisor to complain about a service rep should match the number of times you've asked for a supervisor to compliment a service rep. Otherwise, you're just a crank.
- Bernie Keating

If I had a rat's ass, I certainly would give it.

- Bernie Keating

I don't actually have a headache, I'm what they call "a carrier".

- Bernie Keating