Cross-demoninational song ideas: "Ave Nagila" and "Oy vey Maria".
- Bernie Keating

Facebook exchange:

Bernie Keating: When cabbage goes wrong. Murphy 'slaw.

Loren Nordlund: What you serving it with?

Bernie Keating: Regrets.

- Bernie Keating

The number of times you've asked for a supervisor to complain about a service rep should match the number of times you've asked for a supervisor to compliment a service rep. Otherwise, you're just a crank.
- Bernie Keating

If I had a rat's ass, I certainly would give it.

- Bernie Keating

I don't actually have a headache, I'm what they call "a carrier".

- Bernie Keating

Every time Tim does the dishes or the laundry, I thank him. Because guess who would be doing it if I were single.
- Bernie Keating

God's in his heaven and all's right with the world...except the Gulf of Mexico.
- Bernie Keating

Rashômon I feel like I've seen it before.
- Bernie Keating

Relationship advice:
Stop looking for Prince Charming. Start looking for Prince Interesting, or Prince Kind or Prince I'm Not An A**shole.


- Bernie Keating

At some point I switched over from world weary to world wary.

- Bernie Keating