I'M NOT KIDDING: The US Census form has this under race: "Black, African Am., or Negro". So next to "White" I wrote in "Caucasian, Cracker".

Some see the martini glass is half empty. I see the martini glass as half drunk.

My "Aha Moment": I really hate the phrase "Aha Moment".

Don't kill me with kindness. Use cheese.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? According to "pro-lifers", they're the same thing.

Our house is a mess. But in our defense, we live there.