If you knew Sushi...

I saw a Japanese mother feeding her toddlers raw eel. And to think of the fits I used to pitch over peas.

By golly.

Another thing I learned from the debate last night: America is not in the mood for winking.

I hate to sound shallow but...

VP debate notes: the only thing the J.B. and the Lipstick Pig agreed on 100%

No gay marriage.

"...nice to see you..." or "How nice to see you!!"

There's a real fine line between "good manners" and "two-faced".

Sorry. My example.

I never make mistakes. I set examples of what not to do.

Cut the crap.

I bought a new pair of scissors that was wrapped in that impossible-to-open Fort Knox clamshell plastic packaging.

I just stared at it thinking, "You know what would be really handy right now...?"

After listening to the news, I've decided to change my last name to "Mainstreet".

Tap, tap, tap...um...John? Can we have a word?

It could easily have gone this way:
"I'm happier than a pig in shit."
"How dare you call my running mate that!"

Hair today

When someone makes a crack about your going bald: "Hey! I have hair! It's at home....but I have it."