Look it up.

When I discovered that "nonplussed" means the opposite of what people think it means, I completely was.

Solution: buy brand names.

Went to Staples and bought boxes of paper clips, brads, and rubber bands. I put them in my desk drawer. Now I have to look for them in a drawer where every box is marked "Staples".

Otto Rohwedder

I wonder what sliced bread was the greatest thing since.

Great joke. Google the setup.

Punchline:
The man said, in a whisper, ‘Oh, sorry. Can I have a hamburger?’”

The Lockettes

Eitan on the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics: "I think we can forgive all of China's human rights violations since they put on a really great show."